And now, the Geek Bowl X answers!

Warmup: #1 song anagrams

Me Fattier Item — Time After Time
Pecans Balk — Blank Space
Avalanche Heater Ponies — Heaven Is A Place On Earth
Salsa Bathtub Alto — All About That Bass
Airplay Reek — Like A Prayer
Yellowing Mothra — My Heart Will Go On
Back to the questions

Round 1: Hormones On Ice

1. First and last name required: What name is shared by the authors of You Can’t Go Home Again and The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test? Thomas Wolfe
2. In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, C.J. goes home to fix shit in what L.A.-lookalike city that was also the setting of Grand Theft Auto V? Los Santos [We guessed “San Marcos”. Rhythm right, words wrong.]
3. Young adult Jews can get dirty in the Dead Sea through what 10-day heritage trip program that has been sponsored by Sheldon Adelson? Taglit, aka Birthright Israel [We guessed “aliyah”, but it turns out that’s more an immigration than just a 10-day visit.]
4. Which Star Trek movie was subtitled The Voyage Home? Star Trek IV
5. The Prodigal Son’s homecoming story appears in which gospel, the only one that is purportedly written by a medical doctor? Luke
6. In his 2001 essay “On The Justice Of Roosting Chickens,” University of Colorado professor Ward Churchill infamously compared 9/11 victims to what Holocaust organizer with the same first name as the F├╝hrer? Adolf Eichmann
7. Allegedly mistaken for an elk, which explorer was shot in the ass on his way back from the Pacific: Lewis or Clark? Lewis
8. What was the name of the Sean Combs-led band that did the poignant Top 20 single “Coming Home” in 2010? Diddy Dirty Money (feat. Skylar Grey)
Back to the questions

Round 2: Metalachi

1. Beastie Boys – “Brass Monkey”
2. No Doubt – “Platinum Blonde Life” [We were absolutely clueless on this one. We guessed “Nickelback” just to have some plausible metal in there, and “How You Remind Me” because that is the name of the one Nickelback song we know.]
3. Nirvana – “Lithium”
4. Steely Dan – “Peg”
5. “Weird” Al Yankovic – “Foil” [We recognized the tune of this as “Royals” by Lorde, but of course that has no metal in it. I think it was Jonathan who first figured out that it was the Weird Al cover, which also doesn’t exactly have the name of a metal in it, but is close enough, and in any case was absolutely the song that Metalachi was playing.]
6. Chromeo – “Jealous (I Ain’t With It)” [Not only did we not recognize this song, I don’t think we’d ever even heard of it. Possibly we are old. Anyway, we guessed “Iron + Wine” for the artist, and “Heart of Steel” for the song, following the dictum that even a terrible guess is better than nothing.]
7. David Guetta feat. Sia – “Titanium”
8. Shirley Bassey – “Goldfinger” [Several teammates Kreskined this one before the round even started.]
Back to the questions

Round 3: A Bag Of Dicks

1. Who was the last named owner of Bag End: Meriadoc Brandybuck or Samwise Gamgee? Samwise
2. Dimebag Darrell Abbott was best known for playing in what band: Pantera or Sepultura? Pantera
3. Which purveyor of tea bags is genuinely based in jolly old England: Bigelow or Twinings? Twinings
4. Who has the NFL career record for getting sacked: Brett Favre or Peyton Manning? Brett Favre
5. Otherwise known as that bag you can’t afford, the Birkin handbag is named after someone. Is that person a designer or an actress? An Actress (Jane Birkin) [We said “designer”, based on the notion that we know actresses. Wrong.]
6. What did Oliver Sacks primarily write about: neurology or paleontology? Neurology
7. Satchel Paige’s Major League Baseball debut was on the same team that broke the American League’s color barrier. Was that team the A’s or the Indians? Indians
8. For whatever it’s worth…
Green: Bacon [we said Slim Jim]
Yellow: Brut
Teal: Chardonnay [we said Chanel #5]
White: Nacho Cheese
Red: Fennel
Pink: Pumpkin Pie [we said Gingerbread]
Purple: Heinz 57 sauce
Orange: Rosemary
Back to the questions

Round 4: Mother’s Little Helper

1. Mommy’s Time Out and Dad’s Day Off are pandering brand names for what beverage? Wine
2. With a runtime of just six minutes, Samuel L. Jackson recorded the definitive audiobook of what Adam Mansbach bestseller? Go The Fuck To Sleep
3. To help induce labor contractions, women are sometimes given Pitocin, a synthetic version of what pituitary hormone. Oxytocin
4. Apparently, Dare To Discipline is a popular pro-spanking manifesto by what Focus On The Family asshole? James Dobson
5. In public restrooms nationwide, and perfect for snorting cocaine, what alliterative brand of wall-mounted changing stations has a cuddly brown-on-blue logo? KoalaKare
6. The 2008 documentary The Business Of Being Born featured a water birth — specifically a healthy baby boy emerging from what former talk show host? Ricki Lake
7. This is a spelling question, so unlike most Geek Bowl questions, SPELLING COUNTS! That bald four-year-old Canadian fuck who’s had his own shitty cartoon since 1997: How do they spell his dumb French name? Caillou
8. Starts with a D: In the Rolling Stones song that gives this round its title, what is the generic name for the “little yellow pill” mentioned in the lyrics? Diazepam

Take the number of kittens (K) in the children’s book Goodnight Moon, and multiply by the number of dog breeds (D) that compete in the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Subtract from that product the number of women (W) currently serving in the U.S. House of Representatives, and multiply the resulting number by the number of Sharknado movies (S) that have been made. Or, in other words:

[(K x D) – W] x S

Kittens in Goodnight Moon: 2
Number of dog breeds in the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: 199 [We said 195]
Women in the House of Representatives: 84 [We estimated 90]
Number of Sharknado movies: 3

So, the correct equation: [(2 x 195) – 84] x 3 = 942
Back to the questions

Round 5: X Gon’ Give It To Ya

Thank you Geeks for posting the answer video as well:

Back to the questions

Round 6: Continental Fight Club

1. Headquartered near Dresden, NOMOS and A. Lange & Sohne are well-regarded makers of what luxury accessory? Watches
2. If your wine tastes like elderberries or your weed smells like lavender, it’s due to what French T-word that describes a crop’s environmental conditions? Terroir
3. Recorded by both Louis Armstrong and Bobby Darin, what song about a stealthy serial slasher is the most famous number from Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill’s Threepenny Opera? Mack The Knife
4. If your horse is doing a piaffe or a pirouette, you’re probably taking part in what specific competition? Dressage
5. Not to be confused with the capital of Lebanon, what Bavarian city is home to a very famous festival for the music of Richard Wagner? Bayreuth
6. Named for the color of all the costumes, what term refers to a classical 19th-century ballet style? Ballet Blanc
7. The Phenomenology of Spirit is the magnum opus of what 19th-century German philosopher, who revived the ancient Greek concept of dialectics? G.W.F. Hegel
8. Grand Central Terminal and the New York Public Library are examples of what architectural movement, named for a French school that taught exactly what it’s called? Beaux-Arts

Before we move on, I’d just like to take a moment to honor our clear MVP of the night. Ladies and gentlemen, Jonathan Hess:

Jonathan, with yellow lines of majesty radiating from him

Oh yeah. Check out all his majesty.

Okay, moving on: Back to the questions

Round 7: Children Of Ten

Once again, muchas gracias to the Geeks for posting the answer video:

Back to the questions

Round 8: Random Knowledge

1. a) Who created the TV series Scandal? Shonda Rimes b) How about the TV series Orange Is The New Black? Jenji Kohan
2. a) What is the easternmost African nation that straddles the equator? Somalia b) Though it does so several times, what’s the only Asian country whose land is crossed by the equator? Indonesia
3. a) In Japan, what is the only profession that still rocks the traditional chonmage haircut? Sumo b) What Unilever brand makes the Bed Head line of hair products? Tigi
4. a) Bill Simmons was removed in 2015 as chief editor of what ESPN web site that folded soon after? Grantland b) What other ex-ESPN guy once got shoved by Jim Everett for basically calling him a woman? Jim Rome
5. Math time! a) Express the base-10 number 69 in hexadecimal. 45 b) Find the product of the following terms: (2x + 7) and (3x – 4). 6x2 + 13x – 28
6. a) Which Grace and Frankie title star married longtime partner Jane Wagner in 2013? Lily Tomlin b) What eight-letter hashtag trended highest after the Supreme Court’s 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges? #lovewins
7. a) A maar is a common landform caused by what geological rupture? Volcanic Eruption [We said “fault”] b) The Smiths’ Johnny Marr more recently did a three-year stint in what Issaquah, Wash. band? Modest Mouse [Embarrassing moment of Geek Bowl for me: We were scratching our heads on this one, and then Larry said, “What about Modest Mouse?”, remembering that they were from Issaquah. I said immediately and dubiously, “I don’t think Johnny Marr was ever in Modest Mouse.” But then Brian said, “No, wait, that sounds right.” So we went with Modest Mouse. Thanks for overruling me, guys. And bravo Larry! ]
8. The only multi-time winners of the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction are Booth Tarkington and what other two dead white guys? John Updike and William Faulkner [We said Updike and Hemingway. Hemingway only won once.]
Back to the questions

Finally, the rest of the anagrams:

Clef Rodent — Centerfold
Homeward Snort — More Than Words
Hide In Plots — Hips Don’t Lie
Eek! Hurry Batman! — Unbreak My Heart
Spirited Hook Tilt — Drop It Like It’s Hot
Black New Girl — Wrecking Ball
Ephedrine Gin Toll — Rolling In The Deep
Madam Coke User — Rock Me Amadeus
Africa Rolling Us — California Gurls
Rebid Sell Run — Blurred Lines
A Static Poet Ports — Opposites Attract
Mama Bye Cell — Call Me Maybe
Mitts Redefine a Mop — Empire State Of Mind
Hebrew Toggle Note — We Belong Together
Eyes Furl Solo — Lose Yourself
Whitish Wood Ties — This Is How We Do It
One Puny Vinegar Vogue — Never Gonna Give You Up
A Fleece Photo Stat Hitler — Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Back to the questions